Asker- "Dad, are you going to have time to eat breakfast with us?"
Toots- "Asker, you said diarrhea instead of breakfast!!"
Dave- "No he didn't Toots, you're smokin' crack." Nice, I know
Asker- "Yeah, Toots, you're cracking up."
Toots- "I know. I am correct!"
And everyone walked away happy.
Showing posts with label That's My Girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label That's My Girl. Show all posts
Monday, May 12, 2008
Wish It Was Always This Easy
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tenacious Little Bugger
A few weeks ago, I crossed a line.
I'd been close to it before. I'd toed it, waved my arm over it, leaned really far past it, but never really crossed it.
This time I ran full force and jumped with both feet.
And landed on my daughter.
Toots is one of those strong-willed children they warn you about. Except she isn't just strong-willed. She's iron willed. Perhaps titanium.
Add to that the fact that her crying is as piercing as a siren and extremely loud, and you can understand why I like to keep her happy.
I have learned to phrase things just so to avoid a blow-up or a battle. I avoid the blow-ups because, well it's no fun listening to a 4 year old shriek full force in a tiny house. And I avoid the battles because I know I'm supposed to win them, and I'm afraid I may not have the will to do so!
One Tuesday a few weeks ago, we were getting ready to take Asker to Jiu-Jitsu. Dave was going to meet us there and I was going to take the baby and go to the grocery store. I asked the other two if they wanted to stay with Daddy or go with me.
Now I should have used my mommy-sense and realized that this, like any other situation that involves one child doing something that another is not, or getting something that another does not, or eating two more Goldfish than another has, is a recipe for a meltdown. But, like an idiot, I offered choices instead of just forcing my will.
Clam elected to stay with Daddy. Toots said she, too, wanted to stay with Daddy. Then she wanted to go with me. As we were leaving, she decided she needed to stay with Clam. As she was buckling, she chose to go with Superboy. I told her to make up her mind. As I was pulling out, she knew Daddy would miss her, so she changed her mind. I told her to make up her mind. As we neared Jiu-Jitsu, she was convinced that I could not possibly shop without her help. I told her to MAKE UP HER MIND. She insisted on staying, so we kissed the boys good-bye and pulled off.
You know what happened. I was a few blocks away when I heard a little voice pipe up.
"Um, I changed my mind. I want to go with Daddy."
Now, I guess, in retrospect, that I could have turned around and let her stay. But I was almost to the store and running out of time before I needed to nurse the baby again. So I said "no."
That was when the demon entered.
She started screaming. And thrashing. And unbuckling. When I looked in the mirror, she was gone.
I pulled over the car and followed the shrieking to the floor where she had thrown herself. As I put her back in her seat and re-buckled her, I explained to her exactly why we were not going back. It sounded something like this.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WIIITH DAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!
Gulping breath
"Toots, I told you that you nee.."
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!"
Gulping breath
"you needed to make up your mind. You told me that you.."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Re-buckled but no less loud, we started off again.
This time, I got about a half a mile before she disappeared again.
I followed the screaming to the way back where she had catapulted. Because I had warned her not to unbuckle, and to stop screaming, etc.. I disciplined her, re-buckled her, checked the baby to make sure his ear drums hadn't spontaneously burst, and took off.
Knowing there was no way a grocery trip was going to happen, I got on the highway and headed home.
Then she did it again.
Now, at this point, you guys are probably wondering what kind of mom I am to let my four year old walk all over me. Well, I don't. It's much more fun to describe her antics than it is to describe my discipline techniques. But, I have learned that I must win every battle with her, and stay calm while doing it. I have learned that time-outs do not work for her, but spankings do (the opposite of the other two oldest). I have learned that she waits for me to escalate and relishes when I do. But if can keep my cool and approach her in a stern, loving but ALWAYS consistent manner, she will respond.
I pulled over for the third time. And I responded in the calm, loving and consistent manner I've just described.
"TOOTS. IF YOU DO NOT GET UP OFF THAT FLOOR RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO OPEN UP THIS DOOR AND PUT YOU OUT IN THE SNOW. AND I WILL LEAVE YOU THERE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND??"
silence
silence
"yes ma'am"
We drove for about 5 minutes in silence, until I pulled over again. This time, I unbuckled and climbed back into the backseat. And hugged her, and apologized. I told her that I would never, ever leave her on the side of the road, and asked her to forgive me for losing my temper. She forgave me and we turned around and went to the grocery store.
As we were basking in the love that reconciliation brings, her little voice piped up again.
"Mom? Can I please stay with Daddy?"
Monday, December 17, 2007
Yeah, I Know
She is four feet in front of me, walking as fast as her little legs will carry her. It is raining so she flips her hood over her head. I am lecturing her on why she cannot cross the street by herself.
"...and when you are 6 like Asker, and IF you are responsible, then maybe you will be...."
Turns around and flips her hood down.
"Mom, you know I'm not listening to you, right?"
Monday, December 03, 2007
That's What I Get For Asking
Toots, who do you think is prettier? Mommy or Aunt Heather?
Well, you both don't match me and I'm the pwittiest. So....youw both not just.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Don't Worry, He Won't Be a Prince.
"What's the matter, honey? Why are you crying?"
"I -sob-don't want to gwow up."
"OK, sweetie. What's wrong?"
"I just want to be a kid." Sobbing.
"Toots, you are a kid. It's OK. Why don't you want to grow up?"
"I don't want to dance with a pwince."
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
She's Not The Only One
We finally caved to the social pressure and enrolled Asker in his first organized sport. I just can't do the soccer thing, and he didn't want to take dance like I suggested (even after watching Singing in the Rain- imagine!), so he's taking Jiu-Jitsu. Way cool.
Twice a week, I drag the foursome to a tiny studio a town away. During the warmer months, I could stay on the patio with the kids, but lately we've been crowding in with the other parents. I try to keep the kids quiet so as not to interrupt the class.
Tonight, at practice, I had to correct Toots several times for being disruptive. Finally, I told her she was going to be disciplined. Right away she quietly said, "Don't spank me. Please, don't spank me, mom." Under my breath, I told her I was not going to spank her but that I was going to take away some of her marbles from her reward jar at home. In her loudest, squeakiest voice...
"YEAH, I'M LOSING MY MARBLES!."
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Fairy Tale Spin
Overheard from the bedroom....
"You be the princess and I'll be the prince."
"No, you can be the butlew."
"No, I don't want to be the butler, I can be the warrior."
"No, I'll be the pwincess and you be the faiwy godmuddew."
"NO TOOTS, I want to be a boy thing. I'll be the prince."
"No, no, no. I've got it. I'll be the pwincess and you be the pea!!"
Monday, November 05, 2007
What Are They Teaching Her In Sunday School?
Reviewing the Ten Commandments at the breakfast table.
"Asker, can you tell me a commandment?"
"You should not lie."
"Very good. Toots do you remember one?"
Said in very somber voice, "Do not worship the golden duck."
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
She's Got A Point
So far, the older kids have been really good with Superboy. The boys love to hold him for short spurts. Clam tells me every time the baby is crying. And continues telling me, without stop, until the baby stops crying. But, at least he cares. Asker, the paranoid one, is very concerned that nothing comes within six inches of Superboy's face, as I made the mistake of one time long ago explaining suffocation. Toots, on the other hand, is a perfect little mother's helper. Perhaps a bit too perfect.
When Superboy was first born, she wanted to hold him incessently. We set some ground rules for her (no picking up the baby, no moving his head, no picking his nose, etc.) and she did well. One day, I found him a bit farther along the couch then I had left him and after squeezing the truth from her, I didn't allow her to touch him at all for two whole days. It was absolute torture. She couldn't even kiss him. I've seen heroin addicts go cold turkey more easily. Anyway, after that she was perfect. She held him carefully, reinserted his paci masterfully, talked gently and softly to him (not an easy job for this one) and constantly reassured me that she would not pick him up.
One evening I was preparing for my first night out with just the baby. He was ready and I left him sleeping on the couch while I ran upstairs to finish my hair. Dave was going to watch the older kids, so of course they were sitting in front of the TV. Dave was on the computer in the other room. No problems, right?
"Mom, baby's cwying."
"OK, I'll be down in a minute."
"Mom, Supewboy's cwying. He doesn't want his paci."
"OK, I'm coming."
"Um, Dave, did you put the baby in his bouncer seat?"
"No"
"WHO moved the baby?"
silence
"WHO MOVED THE BABY!!??"
"He got down and cwawled thewe, mom"
deep breath
"No, he did not crawl off the couch, across the floor, into the bouncy seat and buckle himself!"
"Did you move him, Toots?"
"Mom, he told me he wanted to get in his bouncy seat, so I moved him."
"What, mom? I didn't dwop him on the floow!"
Monday, March 12, 2007
Hey, She Knows Her Letter Sounds
Reading an animal book. That includes pictures. Very clear, obvious pictures.
"What's this one, Toot?"
"Ummmm..."
"It starts with a 'Z'"
"zzzz.....zzzz.....zzzzz......giraffe."
Monday, February 12, 2007
Playing 20 Questions with T
I am a thing.
I am an insect.
I am black and yellow striped.
I make honey.
I say bzzzz.
"I know, peanut budder!"
"no, let's try again." (repeat above clues)
"I rhyme with 'pee'"
"poop!"
Me banging head on table.
Friday, January 19, 2007
I'm Really Starting To Wonder About This One
Recent T statements.....
"Mmmmmm, these potatoes with shwimp are good!" (said while eating mac & cheese)
"Mommy, why do you have nipples all over your face?" (she must have sucked on my freckles for two years.)
"Usually, God only cares about cows. But sometimes, he wuvs us all." (spoken to no one in particular)
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