During the last few weeks....
Number of nails in foot- 1
Number of black eyes- 1
Number of teeth dislodged from fall from swing and cliff dive into creek- 1
Number of seconds it took super pregnant mom to run down cliff to presumed dead child- 10
Number of seconds it took super pregnant mom to climb back up cliff supporting bloodied, screaming, but very much alive child- 6,435,849
Number of swings still in tree- 0
Number of post-partum hemorrhages while in dentist's office to fix aforementioned dislodged tooth- 1
Number of dentist chairs ruined- 1
Number of ambulance rides to hospital- 1
Number of minutes spent gazing at super cute EMS technician- all of them
Number of hours spent in ER until advised that hemorrhaging was actually "within normal range" post-partum bleeding- 8
Number of children awakening several hours after bedtime in discomfort- 2
Number of weeks mommy told daddy it was "just growing pains" and a "new tooth emerging"- at least 3
Number of times mommy noticed blood when wiping "just growing pains" hiney- not admitting
Number of times mommy chastised "just growing pains" for wiping himself- too many
Number of pinworms discovered in "just growing pains" hiney- 1
Number of times mommy died in that moment of discovery- I cannot begin to count them
Number of eggs a female pinworm lays in one night- 20-30,000
Number of Americans who get pinworms each year- 40,000,000
Number of facts learned about pinworms in desperate attempt to convince self that I am not negligent, horrible mother with dirty, nasty children- every fact the Internets offered
Number of real-life friends/family who know about the pinworms- 0 (at least there were 0)
Number of $ spent on pinworm medication- $0 (thanks to CVS!)
Number of bedsheets washed- all 65 of them
Number of kids currently de-wormed- 5
Yeah, it's been a fun few weeks. Thank God winter is almost here and I can keep the kids inside away from the nails, cliffs and worm-laden dirt.
And, seriously, pinworms are really common. Really. Not just trailer-park, slums common, but suburban America common. Believe me. You may have even had them when you were little. And I'll bet your mom blamed it on growing pains, too.
Stop laughing.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Catch Up, By The Numbers
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12 comments:
oh my goodness. we have to put you in the bad mommy hall of fame, right next to THE REST OF US!!!!!
take heart, hon, we've all been there.
glad everyone's ok.
Holy canoli, what a list that was! I'm glad you survived. And the kids, too.
(So does this mean I can stop being completely mortified of the time as a teenager that I not only got pinworms, but re-contracted them a couple weeks later?? Nothing like trying to sit inconspicuously through Junior High with an insanely itchy rear end....)
P.S., I don't think I've commented before. I've been subscribed for a couple weeks, and now I can't even remember where I learned about your blog. Sorry.
Oh my.....sending you lots of hugs. WOW. what a week.
Oh wow. It can only get better now, right?
poor thing, no wonder you've been missing! i did have pinworms when i was little and i do remember. it was extremely itchy and my mom had to wash all of our bedding every day. ugh.
Oh, J, that's some serious insanity. At least you got all of it taken care of. I hope we see you more regularly??
Wow wee! I hope things get flat out boring for you now!
Oh. My. Gawd. You poor thing!
hmmmm... I got nutin'! OK, I lied. I've got something... Careening down that blasted cliff and then hoofing back up-WHILE about to sneeze out(bad choice of words, this one wasn't a sneeze: how-a-bout calve) another one?!!! Jenni, Jenni Jenni... you are loved so much....
oh, who gives a rats butt about pin worms... like nobody else has ever had to deal with vile, repulsive bodily issues...
Oh poor you...all that laundry! Reminds me of when my nieces all got head lice while at the lake camping and my poor sister-in-laws had to spend hours and hours at the coin-op laundry and some more hours delousing the girls! That is my definition of misery!
I would never in a million years thought to check for pin worms! Who would? Nobody! I remember my mom getting mad if I sat on the ground. "Do you want to get pin worms?" She would shout. Now I know why she would get her panties in a knot. LOL
(((hugs))) My brothers both had 'em (pinworms) when they were growing up, and we were for sure a nice, clean, lice-free family. Yes, it is super common, and no, you are absolutely not a bad mom!
Hope all teeth, feet, and eyes are feeling better!
~Brea
Wow, what a nightmare. At least it's all over now. And that's a definite "woohoo" for Winter!
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