Because I'm Bored

With all the media attention on the Texas-based FLDS church, and the predilection for copycat acts, there is a good chance that at least one, if not two of you lovely readers, will be joining a cult sometime soon.

But if the idea of wearing 19th century dresses (not red, of course) is not appealing to you, and you prefer not to share your children or husband- fear not, there are other options. Out of the goodness of my heart (and my insomnia), I have compiled a listing of some other unique worship opportunities and lifestyles. Peruse at your convenience, and if you find something you like, well, I'd prefer for my name to stay out of it.



The Brethren- Bible-based group frequently known as Garbage Eaters for their propensity to dumpster dive. All members are single, celibate and not allowed to show emotions or smile. Wins the most-appealing-reasons-to-join award.

Dove of Oneness- Supporters believe that a secret save-the-country law called NESARA was passed by Congress several years ago, but has been suppressed by the government. The law, which only becomes effective upon public announcement, removes Congress and the administrative branch from office, zeroes all credit card balances, abolishes the federal reserve and federal income taxes. Wins the I-wish-it-were-true award.

Raelism- Raelians believe that humans were created by light-green skinned aliens and that human cloning is the key to eternal life. Wins the least-creative-concept award.

Infinity Forms of Yellow Remember- Offers magic wands and empowered water that supposedly heal cancer, mental illness and weak hearts. I'm pretty sure the founder was in Pete's Dragon. Wins the coolest-name award.

And last but not least, everybody's favorite...

Scientology- Believe that most diseases are psychosomatic and can be cured with vitamins, exercise and saunas. Fee-based lessons allow a follower to achieve different levels of enlightment. Many levels (and dollars) in, the follower learns that the forces that are holding him back are really alien spirits that have been clinging to human bodies by the thousands ever since an alien overlord named Xenu tried to imprison them on earth 75 million years ago.The highest level offers the power to control time and space, create universes and never get sick again. Wins the bangs-head-on-the-floor award for stupidity.


You're welcome.