Tenacious Little Bugger

A few weeks ago, I crossed a line.

I'd been close to it before. I'd toed it, waved my arm over it, leaned really far past it, but never really crossed it.

This time I ran full force and jumped with both feet.

And landed on my daughter.



Toots is one of those strong-willed children they warn you about. Except she isn't just strong-willed. She's iron willed. Perhaps titanium.

Add to that the fact that her crying is as piercing as a siren and extremely loud, and you can understand why I like to keep her happy.

I have learned to phrase things just so to avoid a blow-up or a battle. I avoid the blow-ups because, well it's no fun listening to a 4 year old shriek full force in a tiny house. And I avoid the battles because I know I'm supposed to win them, and I'm afraid I may not have the will to do so!

One Tuesday a few weeks ago, we were getting ready to take Asker to Jiu-Jitsu. Dave was going to meet us there and I was going to take the baby and go to the grocery store. I asked the other two if they wanted to stay with Daddy or go with me.

Now I should have used my mommy-sense and realized that this, like any other situation that involves one child doing something that another is not, or getting something that another does not, or eating two more Goldfish than another has, is a recipe for a meltdown. But, like an idiot, I offered choices instead of just forcing my will.

Clam elected to stay with Daddy. Toots said she, too, wanted to stay with Daddy. Then she wanted to go with me. As we were leaving, she decided she needed to stay with Clam. As she was buckling, she chose to go with Superboy. I told her to make up her mind. As I was pulling out, she knew Daddy would miss her, so she changed her mind. I told her to make up her mind. As we neared Jiu-Jitsu, she was convinced that I could not possibly shop without her help. I told her to MAKE UP HER MIND. She insisted on staying, so we kissed the boys good-bye and pulled off.

You know what happened. I was a few blocks away when I heard a little voice pipe up.

"Um, I changed my mind. I want to go with Daddy."

Now, I guess, in retrospect, that I could have turned around and let her stay. But I was almost to the store and running out of time before I needed to nurse the baby again. So I said "no."

That was when the demon entered.

She started screaming. And thrashing. And unbuckling. When I looked in the mirror, she was gone.

I pulled over the car and followed the shrieking to the floor where she had thrown herself. As I put her back in her seat and re-buckled her, I explained to her exactly why we were not going back. It sounded something like this.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WIIITH DAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!

Gulping breath

"Toots, I told you that you nee.."

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!"

Gulping breath

"you needed to make up your mind. You told me that you.."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"


Re-buckled but no less loud, we started off again.

This time, I got about a half a mile before she disappeared again.

I followed the screaming to the way back where she had catapulted. Because I had warned her not to unbuckle, and to stop screaming, etc.. I disciplined her, re-buckled her, checked the baby to make sure his ear drums hadn't spontaneously burst, and took off.

Knowing there was no way a grocery trip was going to happen, I got on the highway and headed home.

Then she did it again.

Now, at this point, you guys are probably wondering what kind of mom I am to let my four year old walk all over me. Well, I don't. It's much more fun to describe her antics than it is to describe my discipline techniques. But, I have learned that I must win every battle with her, and stay calm while doing it. I have learned that time-outs do not work for her, but spankings do (the opposite of the other two oldest). I have learned that she waits for me to escalate and relishes when I do. But if can keep my cool and approach her in a stern, loving but ALWAYS consistent manner, she will respond.

I pulled over for the third time. And I responded in the calm, loving and consistent manner I've just described.

"TOOTS. IF YOU DO NOT GET UP OFF THAT FLOOR RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO OPEN UP THIS DOOR AND PUT YOU OUT IN THE SNOW. AND I WILL LEAVE YOU THERE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND??"

silence

silence

"yes ma'am"

We drove for about 5 minutes in silence, until I pulled over again. This time, I unbuckled and climbed back into the backseat. And hugged her, and apologized. I told her that I would never, ever leave her on the side of the road, and asked her to forgive me for losing my temper. She forgave me and we turned around and went to the grocery store.

As we were basking in the love that reconciliation brings, her little voice piped up again.

"Mom? Can I please stay with Daddy?"