I'm Crushed

I was A's first love. He always told me that after he was married, he would still give me hugs and kisses. But now, he has a crush. And I am not she.

Last summer, I noticed that after Sunday School each week, instead of just talking about the boys, A kept mentioning a little girl, H.E.. He always called her by her first and last name. At first, I just thought he viewed her the same way as his sister and two girl cousins who are in the same class. But then, he started mentioning a future with H.E.. As in, "Mom, when H.E. and I get married....." WHAT? He was four at the time!

Now, I know some parents think first crushes are adorable and even encourage them. My sister was the unwitting recipient of many first crushes. One father, in particular, encouraged his (first-grade) son to the point of actually getting him a ring to give to her. Dave and I, however, were appalled. Don't get me wrong, H.E. is adorable. She is a doe-eyed sweet little thing about a year older than A. But, hello, they are kindergartners. We explained to A that four year olds do not know who they are going to marry, and he could be friends with H.E. without feeling the burden of planning his future.

Then came the church picnic. At one point, I saw H.E. and A sitting together on a bench, eating. I asked him later what they discussed. "Oh," said he, "she told me her mom said I wanted to marry her and she said it was OK." Obviously, Dave and I were not getting through.

Now, to my knowledge, A and H.E. have never had a meaningful conversation since the park bench. I'm sure they pass crayons and watch puppet shows together. But A tends to be a bit shy, and H.E. may have absolutely no recollection of their previous conversation. A, however, is utterly convinced.

Every day, H.E.'s name is mentioned numerous times in our house. When A and T play house, T has to be H.E.. And A always says, "You be H.E., the real H.E.." As if T can somehow magically transform into the REAL H.E.. She is always the princess he rescues and the maiden he marries. He even prays for her.

It is sweet. But he is really persistent. I like to talk to the children about the attributes we should look for in a spouse. Everything I list; sweet, kind, loves God, good parent, etc.. A will agree, "Yup, that's H.E.." With T, we're working on a simpler level.

A- "I'm going to marry H.E., T. Who are you going to marry?"
T- "Mommy."
A- "You can't marry Mommy. You have to marry a boy."
T- "Oh. I marry Daddy."
A- "You can't marry your Daddy, T. It has to be someone different."
T- proceeds to name every cousin she has.
A- "NO T. YOU CAN'T MARRY YOUR FAMILY. SOMEONE DIFFERENT."
T- "OK, I marry H.E.!"

So now we've decided that instead of talking him out of marrying H.E., we will just redirect him. If he mentions marrying her, we tell him five year olds don't get married, but that he can get married after he goes to college, is out of the Marine Corps, and is a pilot (all his current life goals and one of mine!).