Bad Men and Other Nice Things

Howdy all. I am alive and well, but a little tired. Sorry I haven't posted daily, but we've been in remodeling hell. It's going well, though, and perhaps sometime before 2027 we'll be finished.

Actually, we are on a timeschedule. For the last 5 years, we've just been updating things here and there as we felt like it and could afford it (preferring to pay everything out of pocket). But then, joy of joys, we found out that a convicted rapist bought the house next to ours. So, we are frantically finishing the house trying to get it on the market before February, when he moves in.

I could blog for pages just about that situation, but I'm not going to! Suffice it to say, we are vigilante and are less concerned for our (my) safety as we are for selling our house in this market.

It's really fun trying to explain to my kids why they can't be outside when our new neighbor is here working on his house. I don't want to call him a "bad man" (frequently used term in our house), b/c we may end up living next to him for a while and I want to tread carefully. T, in particular, would just love telling him "you're a bad man, man!", something she did in the past to another neighbor. No matter how much I agree with her, it just seems the wrong approach. And, I know it would increase A's interest and fascination. My mom had a "bad man" living next to her for the first 4 years we had kids. All the grandkids in our family knew he was bad and they weren't allowed to talk to him. This just made them stand right by the fence, peeking around it, announcing with glee every move the bad man made in his backyard. I would prefer our kids to just ignore our bad man.

So, I've told them that he is a stranger, and they are not allowed to be with strangers unless mommy or daddy is present. Of course, A quickly pointed out that Mr. Chris, our previous neighbor, was a stranger until he moved in, then he was a friend. Sometimes, you just have to pull the "because I say so" card.

It's a slippery slope explaining evil to little ones. You want to protect them, keep them innocent, but they need to be prepared too. We have safety drills in our house. Daddy pretends to be the bad man trying to kidnap them. We encourage the kids to scream as loudly as they can and they are even allowed to say bad words to the bad man. A absolutely loves saying "bad man, you're a naked mole rat" with as much venom as he can produce. If they don't scream loudly enough, Daddy makes them do it over. Of course, we have to take frequent breaks to allow the Police Officers to inspect our house after the child torture complaints they received.

Recently, as the kids have gotten older, we've broached the subject of sexual predators. We've always talked about keeping our bodies private. But, I have explained in an extremely basic way that there are bad men who want to touch other people's hineys (I just can't bring myself to be any more detailed). We've role played a few times. It works well.....sometimes

Mommy (being bad man)- Hi, little boy, can I touch your hiney?
A- NOOOO, IT'S PRIVATE, HEELLLP!!!
Mommy- Good job, A

Now T's turn-

Mommy (being bad man)- Hi, little girl, can I touch your hiney?
T- OK.
Mommy banging head on wall.

I remember seeing a Dateline or something about kids and gun safety. They left boys(I think) in a room with a gun. Even the kids who had the most extensive gun safety training from their parents still touched the gun. Same thing happened in a study of kids accepting rides from strangers. All the stranger had to have was a good story, and the kids were in the car. I know they say you need to have a family password and change it periodically. OK, am I the only one who is skeptical? Maybe that works for 12 year olds , probably does. But 3 and 4 year olds?

Bad man- Hi there, mommy is at the doctors'. I am going to take you to her.
Child- What's the password?
Bad man- I forget what it is?
Child- It's "spaghetti" silly

No, we've just figured that the best way to keep our kids safe is to never allow them out of our sight. One date every 3 years? Yup, that's about right. But, it's worth it to know our little bundles are safely under our thumbs every minute of the day. And we figure, when T's 17, and other kinds of bad men are wanting to touch her hiney, she may be brainwashed into saying "NO, THAT'S PRIVATE, HEELLP!"